top of page


Who's the Real Bully?

Too many times we feel ourselves sink back, getting stuck in the victim role, feeling like life is coming at us. We forget that we have a choice, and that changing how something comes at us, changes how it affects us. That’s the part I think people forget.

Instead we say,

“Why did this happen to me?”

“What does this mean?”

“What nowwww?”

Drama. Drama. Drama. Just drama and more drama.

Then we just lie down and take it (woe is me). But what if we decide not to be bullied by our life anymore? What if we choose to take a stand for ourselves, our basic boundaries and rights? We teach children not to bully on the playground, but once we’re an adult, it doesn’t matter anymore?

That’s bullshit.

Believe it or not, when I was a child I was quite shy. You wouldn’t say that today, but I remember how horrible it was to be the not-so-popular kid, to be the last one picked. Maybe even the one that got their pants lit on fire in the student lounge, and everyone thought it was funny. I didn’t think it was so funny. As a matter of fact, I got hurt that day. Of course, “Mr. Popular” only got a slap on the hand. I got a medical bill.

Are we able to recognize bullying?

Do we know what bullying looks like? Maybe it's the way your boss is treating you, or maybe it’s even a comment on Facebook. We have a no-bullying policy on Soulful Journey. However, Facebook didn’t deem a reported incident as bullying. I knew the person being harassed and felt differently. They had been in a relationship and she broke up with him. I don’t care what anybody says, but when someone tells you to “lay off the cupcakes you fat bitch,” that’s bullying. He was mean to her, but wanted her back at the same time. It’s like domestic violence. Be nice one minute, and then cruel the next. I had suggested that instead of continually putting herself in a vulnerable place, she get informed about bullying, talk to people. You have to learn the difference between good talk and bad talk, and that includes how we talk to ourselves!

It is choosing to look at your power within different situations and finding tactful ways of changing your outcome. By being willing to find your power in those little moments in your life it can spread and effect change in other areas of your life. (Remember, it’s all connected!).

We can’t even say the word 'no' without feeling bad.

We see 'no' as a bad word. When you find yourself in a situation where 'no' is not honored, that’s a very big signal that you’re in a bad situation.

'No' is not a dirty word, 'no' is not to be challenged; it’s just that person’s boundary. If your boundary isn’t being honored, and you can’t honor the no, it’s about removing yourself from the situation. Leave the house, make a phone call, but do something that’s going to build your resistance.

It truly does start with a willingness to see my own worth. Am I worth standing up for? Am I worth the pay raise? Am I worth losing the weight? By seeing my own worth, others will see it too. If I look in the mirror and nitpick at everything I see, do you honestly think the universe is going to see anything else? If I am the creator of my world, and my daily conversation is “I’m too fat, too wrinkly, too skinny, too pimply, too whatever it is,” I’m going to reflect that insecurity all day long. But what if I start small in changing the pattern of saying negative things about myself to myself?

Let’s make a pact.

Let’s look in that mirror and say, “My life is a blank canvas, and I’m choosing a beautiful day, a beautiful moment, a beautiful self.”

Click here to download and print out note to tape on your bathroom mirror.

I can’t control other people (much as I wish I could sometimes!), but I can control how I react, what my response is. I have to find my self-worth in different situations and sometimes say, “no”, set a boundary, invest in myself, and refuse to let my day be affected by someone else’s bad day. It’s time to say “No” to the bully, whether it be an internal or an external bully, and be nicer to yourself.

Treat yourself with love and care. There’s only one you to love.


  • Black Facebook Icon
  • Black Twitter Icon
  • Black Instagram Icon
bottom of page