The Day I Learned to Own My Shoes

It was rock bottom for me… I was 425 lbs, in a bad relationship, a job I hated. The list goes on. I was a shadow of the person I desired to be. I knew change had to happen, I just didn’t realize it had to start inside.

So began the search for myself. I started looking under every rock, behind every bush, every self-help book. Believe it or not, I even began church hopping, trying to put myself back together. But nothing fit, nothing really seemed to fill what I was searching for.

A dear friend of mine had been trying to get me to go see a motivational speaker, so finally one day I begrudgingly went. I walked through the doors and saw a woman who couldn’t have been more than 5’1”, red hair, spiked heels, and in her sixties at the time. She didn’t quite fit the image of the guru I was expecting. She was fiery, fearless and pretty much willing to take on anybody.

The first thing she said to me was, “You are the cause and effect of your entire life, and if you don’t like what’s happening, you need to stop pissing and moaning and start doing something about it.”

I looked at my friend and thought, “What the hell have you brought me to?” The idea that I had created the chaos I was living in was unbearable, but somewhere inside of me it rang true. I was intrigued by what she was saying. My spirit was starving and I was hungry to learn more.

I’ll never forget the day she taught me to own my shoes.

I was sitting in the front row of her class, studious and attentive as always. In the middle of her speech, she paused and said, “Can I have your shoes?” Startled and unprepared, I mumbled, “yes,” and handed her my shoes. She proceeded to put them on her tiny feet and continued on with her lecture as if nothing had happened. I sat through the rest of her talk in my socks, watching her walk up and down the room in my shoes. I could hardly pay attention to what she was teaching I was so focused on my shoes. At the end of the class, she said, “Okay, I’ll see you all next week, same time,” and she started to head out the door with her bags…. STILL wearing my shoes.

I stumbled over my words and ran towards her.