People Don't Have to Like You (and that's okay)
Uncomfortable truth for you today.
This one is for all of us who have ever been approval seeking, people pleasing, brown-nosing, kissing uppers (yup, I think we can all say we’ve been there)
Here’s my thoughts on the bullshit myth of being likeable:
People don’t have to agree with you, and you don’t have to care. It’s a choice.
I know, I know. We’ve all lived our entire lives for others, we’re soul-seeking empathic givers afterall. The myth is that to be a spiritual being you have to be a fluffy fruitcake, but the truth is we really are more like warriors for the light. We have to be strong enough to stand up for ourselves, disagree and push against the matrix of a sleeping world.
Let me explain:
You’ll never be able to feed your soul by trying to collect approval from other people.
It’s like an addiction to failing because it will never be enough. That’s a lose-lose game and you’ll never win. I get it though, to our core we want to be loved. And yes, we might want people to like us, but they don’t HAVE to. And what they think of you and your opinions really doesn’t matter. You can’t make someone feel bad, that’s their choice.
If people don’t like me, I’m okay with that. It’s taken some years of practice to get “thick skinned.” And yes, sometimes I find myself back in an old, repeated pattern of allowing it to affect me, and other times I couldn’t care less. It’s honestly an ongoing process of loving myself enough to not care (and instead care about those things that really do matter).
So, if people don’t like something you are saying here’s my insight as to some possible reasons why that might be:
They are making assumptions or judging without knowing the entire story
They are projecting their own insecurities and fears onto you (think of it like you’re playing the role of one of their parents, ex’s, employers, etc that they’re trying to heal)
They are consumed with the trivial things in life and making a mountain out of a molehill (in other words, they’ve lost their gratitude)
They have placed their own happiness externally and expect you to make them feel better (when that’s not reciprocated, they don’t like it)
The key point to all of these reasons is that all of these have nothing to do with you personally.
It’s their shit. And it’s your choice whether or not to roll around in it and wear it like a bad day.
And if you find yourself in an instance where the tables are turned and you’re not liking something that is being said to you, maybe it’s time to pause and ask yourself, “Where am I making assumptions? Where am I projecting onto someone else? Where have I placed my happiness externally?”
So why does this matter so much? We are in a time where we are so divided as a country in our beliefs, it’s not a time to be afraid of rocking the boat. This is not a time to stick our heads in the sand. We’ve seen what being passive creates. Now is the time rise to up, dismantle those false perceptions and embrace our birthrights. It’s up to us to feel loved and fulfilled, and not by someone else.
For example, on my food truck you have to be wearing a mask in order to place an order at the window. I believe science is real, we are in the middle of a pandemic. It’s not like I enjoy wearing a mask, no one does. We've got signs posted and we just ask you to help keep our family safe by wearing a mask when you approach the window, otherwise you’re not getting any of our delicious chicken (seriously, if you haven’t heard of The Bad Rooster Food truck, go check us out here)
It’s your right as a business owner to refuse service, and I have before. Some people may not agree with it, but it doesn’t matter to me. I’m not going to feel bad if someone disagrees or gets upset. What does matter is that I enforce my personal boundaries, that I’m willing to rock the boat when it needs to get rocked.
By being ourselves, and speaking our truth, we will attract more of the same to us. Less fake, more real.
As for the party poopers out there, the toxic negative people lacking self-awareness, even the effing internet trolls, just send them love and let that ship sail on.
Love & Light,
P.S. If you need a song to pump you up for being strong in who you are listen to “This is me” from The Greatest Showman