I’m recovering from my SECOND total knee replacement surgery as I write this, and boy it has been more than I bargained for. The gift in it, is that it does get better and I know it will be worth it in the long run. Blah blah blah, really it hurts like a bitch and has been a struggle.
One of the biggest things I have realized is how much we take things for granted. We take for granted the ability to walk, to feed ourselves, to go outside, to do all of the things we usually would normally do. We take our precious lives for granted.
Here I am, learning how to walk again, like a 2-year-old, and I’m trying to tell my legs to go, but sometimes they’re not listening. I’ve been given all of these P.T. exercises to do, but to be honest, I find myself having excuses for getting them done several times a day. My PT people have taken my cane away from me, so now I’m having to rely on my own two feet.
I’ve got all my exercises printed out, organized in a binder. I know all the things I gotta do, but the million-dollar question is, “Will I?”
During this recovery time, I’ve had a lot of time to think (and catch on all of my Netflix shows), and I’m realizing what an analogy this is for my whole life. I’m asking myself, "Am I really doing all of the things that I know I should be doing?" And I don’t just mean my PT for my knees. When it comes to my spiritual journey, am I doing my “Spiritual P.T”? Am I following through on all the things I say I will do, or that I know help keep me in a better place?
It’s not like I don’t know the exercises. I’ve got all my spiritual tools in place: my meditation CD’s, my art journals…. I know how to use them; but if I I’m not using the hammer, that nail is not going into that wall, so to speak.
We all have those New Year’s Resolutions, or those things we tell ourselves (and others) we are going to do. We believe we are spiritual beings, lightworkers so to speak, who want to make a difference in this great big world, and we know it has to start with ourselves. We want to have a spiritual practice, we want to develop spiritually.
But we have to ask ourselves, “What are we actually DOING to develop ourselves spiritually?”
The truth is, we don’t even have our training bras yet when it comes to our spirituality. We haven’t developed ourselves enough to even need one. I’m not saying we NEVER do our spiritual legwork, but what I am suggesting is that we are inconsistent at best.
Am I doing my meditations regularly?
Am I doing things that pump me up creatively?
Am I putting in the legwork every single day towards creating what I desire?
Am I working on watching my words/thoughts/feelings and emotions?
Instead we make false promises to ourselves. “I’ll [meditate/work out/do art] tomorrow.” Instead of taking accountability, we rationalize our behaviors or make excuses for ourselves. We seek out people to tell us we’re doing a good job, or that will fluff us up and enable our bad behavior (gotta looove those enablers, they’re the first person we go to when we’re in a shitty place).
We’ve all told “little white lies” before, it’s what we’ve learned. I can remember as a kid hearing the phone ring, and my Mom telling me, “Tell them I’m not here.” We think, “It’s just a little white lie,” but a lie is a lie. It doesn’t matter what color it is, blue, black, green or whatever color you want to call it. The universe just hears, “lie.” That’s what we have to remember.
But I think the biggest thing we forget is that these false promises, our “little white lies” that we make to ourselves. usually only hurt one person. And we’re the one sitting in it. Simply put, when I don’t do my P.T, I’m in more pain and it’s taking me longer to get where I desire to be. But we think no one knows about our little lies, like a teenager whose gotten away with something, or creeping into the kitchen for one more cookie. But we forget a critical piece… the universe hears it all. It doesn’t pick and choose what it’s going to deliver to you, it’s just giving you whatever you’re putting out there.
So if I’m putting out inconsistency, I’m going to receive inconsistency in my life. If I’m not delivering on what I’m saying I will, guess what the universe is going to have to give me? Failure to deliver in some way.
I’m realizing that if I want to receive the results I desire in my life, I’m going to have to put in the spiritual legwork that is required to do so.
I’m going to have to hit “pause”, take the moments to connect and put in the spiritual legwork that is required of me. I’m going to have to ask the universe for guidance, and be willing to “turn it over” or let it go. I’m going to have to be vulnerable with myself, and get brutally honest. I’m going to have to take a look at my own faith, and look at what it is that makes me doubt. I’m going to have to align my goals with my soul, and I’m going to have to lean into those friends that will deliver the truth like a sledgehammer (thank goodness for those ones).
And yes, much like the PT for my knees, sometimes the spiritual legwork gets uncomfortable. And yes, sometimes it doesn’t feel like you’re moving forward. But we all know that eventually it will pay off, we will get stronger, we will see the results, we will see the bigger picture. As long as we are consistent with our practice.
Cheers to remaining consistent on your journey.
Soulaire
