Open Letter

Today I find the journey very hard to stay positive and keep going when the world is at war and hatred is the new normal. It makes me feel like what’s the use. Polarized is what I see now, and we are in this place of acceptance of whatever is pushed at us from social media and that this is the new truth.

It makes me question everything about myself and what I believe about God. Am I to doubt everything that I have learned and just willingly jump into the fire of religion, in other words Christianity, and forget what I have seen and experienced in my life? Am I crazy to believe that we have lost any hope of recovery from this world? Do I have the strength to endure the gaslighting and persecution I have received from social media?

I always believed that the journey is personal and private. But I have since learned that we are not allowed to have independent thoughts and beliefs, that free will is not free anymore. It is being taken away from us and that is the pain I feel. I’ve always believed in free will and that we can walk away and do something else if we desire that. But I’m beginning to see that no matter what we do, it’s social media that is right and we are just pawns to be used to blame others for our choices.

So here I sit being the scape goat for people that refuse to take accountability for the choices they have made in their lives. I really understand the pain of being different and denied the right to live my life on my terms. This is the life I never believed I would have to live in, one filled with fear and loss. The part that threw me down was the people closest to me do not understand the pain of dead naming, gaslighting, and personal harm that has happened to me from the keyboard warriors that have made it their personal mission to destroy my life because they have bad relationships with their own families. Again, I live in a world that doesn’t want the truth, only the lies that give them comfort in the choices they have made.

When one is into blaming someone else, you think that gives you all the power. Well, that is a false front because the relationship that you want is on you, not on someone else. The job is to be kind and understanding with the people we love, not control them and make them comply with your way of thinking. To truly love someone is to let them thrive and grow and to be kind. I know that it’s impossible to be that 24/7, but the majority of people are kind. It’s the ones that are cowardly and unwilling to look at their part in their relationships that are cruel and ugly.

I have a friend and we have been friends for 20 years. We genuinely like and love each other. We both felt the pain of family rejection. I have had the opportunity to heal my relationship with my family because I believe in communication and working through the differences we have as family. But what I have learned is not all families are healthy enough to do that. So, what do you do? My friend has had to endure the same pain that I have had to deal with. The difference is, she picked her chosen family over her biological family, a choice we all can make because we do have free will. My friend has felt abused and shamed with ultimatums by her family.

When I first met her, she was looking for friends that believed in positive change and the love that was missing from her life. She wasn’t super happy, and her daughter was having all kinds of issues with drugs and alcohol. She blamed herself for her daughter’s addiction. She finally went to Al-Anon and learned that she was not responsible for her daughter’s choices and started to learn to work on herself.

When my friend changed and turned to self-reflection and healing, her daughter didn’t want her to change because it meant her daughter would have to start looking at herself. My friend continued blaming herself because she said she spoiled her only biological child. I have seen this in so many families where communication starts to breakdown, and no one is willing to let go of “I know best.” But can we truly know what is best for anyone other than ourselves? I even found myself looking at my own family and I had to set firm boundaries with them. It was hard but I knew that if I didn’t, I would end up giving myself up to the pressure to be what the family deems as acceptable behavior. What is that, acceptable behavior? Who decides that? Oh yeah, social media right? So, we are to stay with our blood families no matter what, even when there is abuse like verbal abuse and possible physical abuse? That it’s horrible to find chosen family as an alternative or that we find a sense of love and support with that chosen family? What I have learned in my journey is that if you’re healthy enough, you can have both.

I understand that we are losing faith in ourselves because the power of the Internet, social media, has become a stronger faith than we have in each other, or the God we believe in. Can we finally say no to the noise that social media makes? What if you took moments to watch a sunrise or a sunset? Have a conversation with someone and not interrupt them and really listen to them, hear their story or what kind of day they are having? Don’t try to fix; just be there and witness them. The longer we fall into what social media tells us to be, to watch, or when we spiral into the abyss of scrolling, we no longer are part of this world of light, sound, color, and beauty all around us. That includes each other. I don’t just take the word of social media. I discover more about a person when I am willing to connect with them rather than just believing the lies that we are fed from the internet. I know that people can lie too, but it is much harder to lie when you are having a face to face conversation.

The keyboard warriors are truly the cowards of the world. So, the part I have not talked about is the hot topic, that word “cult”. Well, I am here to let you know that my food truck, the Bad Rooster, has had to endure that word because of the people that have bad relationships or have made choices in their life they are unwilling to take accountability for, and have blamed and attacked me for them. Why? Because I have different spiritual beliefs. I have been to more churches than most because I was searching for God and I learned that it was a personal journey. When I began to share my story, people started telling me to write a book, so I did. People started to come and listen to my talks and well the rest is in the past and right now, I do not need to explain that because I’m not here to defend it. I have the right to believe whatever I want to believe just as anyone in the world has that same right. When I left other teachings, I didn’t go out and say bad things. I did the mature thing and just moved on.

My food truck was attacked by people that feel the need to disparage me and try to destroy my name and reputation by using social media to hurt anyone that was associated with me or our food truck by calling breweries and vendors and threatening them with the trendy buzz word “Cult”. Hell, even my business partner’s family was dragged into this and it caused them to stop talking. I am tired of this happening any time I go out and do something good. These people attack me with lies that are being told about me and my life.

The friend I previously mentioned in this letter knows it’s her daughter. Even I know it’s her too because she uses her name without hiding it. My friend once asked me why I am nice to her after enduring almost 14 years of harassment from her daughter and now all her keyboard warriors too. I said, “I’m a kind person and you are not responsible for your adult daughter. She makes her own choices, so why would I blame you?” My friend is divorced from her ex and her daughter refuses to heal her relationship with her.  Her daughter still attacks people that are around her mother, “ME”. I think the drive is to hurt anyone around her mother because of the choice she has made to not have contact with her and it fuels the obsession to hurt anyone that makes her mother happy and that is the sad part of this.

Her daughter wants to punish and try to kill any kindness that exists for her mother. What you didn’t hear was the cruelty of a voice message the daughter left her mother, (see voicemail below) and the years that her mother did try to have a relationship with her daughter. I have no desire to dig this up, but I’m just saddened by the fact that she has gone on and started hitting people that I am currently working with in mutual aid among metro surge. We started to feed families that were sheltering in place and were being hit by ICE being in Minnesota. We have served 1600+ people, 350+ families, 200+ cats, 150+ dogs, 11 parakeets, 13 Guinea pigs, 3 hamsters, 3 parrots, and 2 beta fish, for the past 2 months and now it has come to a complete stop. How is it that something I have never been accused of is allowed to circulate on social media and they have no consequences for the lies they’ve been telling?

Warning: this contains graphic language.

Voicemail_Recieved_By_My_Friend_Before_Social_Media_Attack

3:48

You have to know I hired a lawyer and sued her just to stop her from causing personal harm to myself and my business. It is almost impossible to get a defamation trial to happen. I spent $150,000 In attorney fees and I had hoped she learned something from that. It was clear she had not. I learned about the new attack because the daughter commented and her friend DM’ed a lawyer I was working mutual aid with and this person suggested I file a criminal restraining order against them because they accused me of a crime that never happened. I explained I am still paying the first attorney’s fees and it’s a lot of money. She said you need a bulldog attorney, not a defamation attorney and if the person is out to cause you and your business harm, it can be looked at as a possible criminal case. So, what do I do? I have evidence against the people that are saying these things, but I have never thought I would have to name names or prove they’re telling lies, but when you have people around you that love you and want to help, I have to let them.

So, to all you keyboard warriors, beware of the lies you spread because you could find yourself facing criminal charges and even if you live in another country, that doesn’t mean you are not going to be charged also. I would keep that in mind. Remember the Parental Power of Attorney your parents had drawn up before they moved you to Minnesota so that you could go to Perpich Center for Arts Education, a high school here in Minnesota. I even have pictures that show what you looked like and how healthy and happy you were while you were here all those years ago. Using lies on podcasts and social media to get some kind of attention is pathetic and sad.

To all you people out there that are without family, you’re not alone. The numbers are staggering as to how many are estranged from family and friends that are unhealthy or just plain refuse to hear you out or let you live your life. (Link to article.) Taking accountability for your life is not wrong. It is taking care of your life. Just because I am kinder or nicer than that family, it might be something they need to look at. I hold no strings, only kindness and hope. I probably would be the one that they choose. It’s only a choice so choose a better path and if not, move on. I think it’s time you look at your obsession with someone you cannot control and why you feel the need to lie to justify your obsession. I think that might be a little unhealthy. It’s getting really old and I’m done being quiet!

I know things in me have shifted. I’m beginning to see that my energy is priceless and I’m unwilling to give it away for free. In fact, my energy is not for sale!  I have decided to let my energy be for myself and to take moments to look at what is important, like friendship, partnership, companionship, and healthy great relationships. I am reminded of the word ‘INVICTUS’ which is an unbreakable resilient spirit that has faced severe adversity without yielding that symbolizes self-mastery and inner strength.

-Soulaire